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Woodpecker on the Chimney

By Marsha Gellerman

Every morning for the past week and a half, I've awakened a little after six to the sounds of a jackhammer. I'm an insomniac. And I fall asleep on the sofa on a regular basis. This sound jerked me awake and throwing my raincoat over my pajamas, I left the house to see what maniac was using a jackhammer at six in the morning.

I heard the sounds of the neighbors waking, birds chirping and from a distance - the jack hammering.

Going back into the house, I fell asleep on the sofa again, as to not wake up hubby. His earplugs assured him of another hour of sleep.

That afternoon, the noises returned. It was a brief drumming sound, followed by dead silence. Now, I've seen work crews using jackhammers. The sounds went on much longer than what I was hearing now. When the sound reoccurred, I ran to the basement to make sure the oil burner wasn't about to blow up, the sump pump wasn't about to give out and the water pipes weren't about to burst.

Again, the sound was muted, the same way it had been when I went outside.

Coming back to the first floor, I could hear the sounds sharp and clear. And then, they went away.

The next day was Saturday.

I heard the noises in the morning, and once again braved the outdoors in my pajamas. Silence.

I'm always sleep deprived, but the noise was making me crazy and paranoid. Why could I hear it so clearly in the first floor of our house? Why was it so brief and what neighbor would I have to kill to make it stop?

Like clockwork, it occurred later in the afternoon. But this time my husband went out to investigate. He came back into the house with a big grin on his face.

"It's a woodpecker on our chimney cap," he said. "Dumb bird thinks he can nest there."

I can't tell you how relieved I was that it was an act of nature and not one of our neighbors. I didn't relish the thought of going to jail. A few seconds later, we heard the noise again, and when I left the house as quietly as I could, I caught the beast in the act. He has exceptionally sharp vision. As soon as I saw him, he saw me, stopped drumming on our chimney cap and flew away.

Everything was explained now. Or, at least I had a new starting point for my questions and an explanation of why I could hear the sound so clearly on the first floor, as that's where the fireplace opening was located.

Only two real questions remained. Why the heck was a bird drumming on our roof cap? And how could I stop it?

I'm a country girl at heart and even though we live in the North East, I was born in the Deep South. I wished longingly for my cousin's slingshot and began to review the proportions of every rubber band in the house. I could always find a "Y" shaped piece of wood on our property. That was the easy part. Only one thing stopped me. We don't kill wildlife - ever. Rabbits and deer are safe on our little half-acre and my husband even takes spiders that have wandered inside and puts them out in the yard. (Not me, if it's large enough for me to spot - it's a goner! Small spiders in the South can be poisonous.) We have woodchucks, chipmunks and for the first five years we were here, a beaver in the root cellar. Although Hubby did remove the rotted stump where the skunk had nested. After walking home from the train station one evening and being confronted by Mama Skunk, being trailed by her little baby skunks, trundling down the private road that leads to our driveway - it had to go. I will always treasure being able to actually see something like that, but we had to be practical.

(Our cat was a mighty hunter, so we never had to worry about vermin getting into the house. Our only concerns were getting her crime scene reenactments out of the carpet.)

So, although he was annoying as the dickens, the woodpecker had picked a "safe house" to attack. But, he was really, really irritating. Even though I'd started sleeping through the morning banging, his afternoon attacks were beginning to tee me off.

I got online, thinking that I'd have to really drill down into woodpecker lore to find out why he was attacking our chimney cap and how to get rid of him.

As it turns out - it's a fairly common problem.

Woodpeckers are highly territorial. The drumming sound announces that this is his territory. And the hollow banging sound produced by our roof cap and metal lined chimney were perfect for him. The drumming also announces that he is looking for a mate. Once he is mated, his attacks on our roof cap should stop. (Please, let him not be the bird kingdom's equivalent of a troll!)

That was the good news.

Woodpeckers and flickers, which also exhibit the same behavior, are protected species. Killing one without being licensed carries a pretty hefty fine.

You could use a bird of prey decoy to scare the woodpecker away, but it has to be moved about three times a day and that part of the roof is only accessible to a professional. So, the alternatives of hanging CDs or strands of Mylar were also impractical.

But, this wasn’t the bad news.

The bad news was that now that he'd secured his territory, he'd be back EVERY Spring to defend it. So, barring an unforeseen demise, I could look forward to years of having the rat-tat-tat-tat of our chimney being used for woodpecker’s personal ad, as a sign that Spring has returned.

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I think I would try having a professional secure a couple layers of bubble wrap like used for packing dishes to the cap so the next time he taps it makes a funny sound back at him. I know the sound of popping those bubbles makes my dog run for cover.

Thank you for the suggestion. We'll probably wind up doing this.

Your husband has a good coping strategy and I can attest to this. I think I would have ended up in jail - and possibly on the lethal injection bed - long ago were it not for E-A-R brand earplugs. I have been wearing these about 20 hours a day (while spleeping and working) for 15 years now. I think they help cure insomnia, too. Earplugs offer great protection against jackhammers, woodpeckers, and the sound of popping bubble wrap, and help foster the peaceful coexistence of harmless, lovely woodland creatures and hominids with homicidal tendencies.

In this case, his coping strategy was developed against my snoring. Since his hobby is transferring albums to digital, he can't keep his ears stoppered. Unfortunately, while I no longer sound like a Mack truck because I quit smoking, all the airplanes, motor-cycles without mufflers and yard equipment noises make him crazy.

Relieved to hear hubby solved the mystery - but you now have the problem of the woodpecker returning every year with his rar-tat-tat! The bubble-wrap sounds like a good idea!

This was our first day of quiet. Since I was out in the afternoon, tomorrow I find out whether I just slept through, then missed his drumming. I really hope he's found a mate. In which case, we'll deal with it next year.

Hubby has already asked me to research how long woodpeckers live.

True story - 14 years ago, during our first weekend in the house, we decided to have our coffee on the porch. We sat there, happy new home owners and after our first couple of sips, an airplane buzzed the house. Followed by another and another in 3 to 4 minute intervals. We are on the take off path of the only small private airport for miles around. And our hill is the first obstacle all the weekend pilots hit where they have to pour on the power to raise their altitude.

I laughed when I read this intel. We had the same problem one year. We wondered what the noise was and thought that we had serious trouble with our furnace ?,or, ? or ... We finally did discover the problem. Maybe the woodpecker found a mate who didn't like our neighbourhood or someone stoned him, but he didn't come back the next year. I hope your problem goes away too.

We seen woodpecker's in the trees around our house for years. This was the first time one attacked the chimney cap. Hopefully next year they go back to the tree.

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